Suspense Technique Contest, Winner #2 is...

This was harder even then the first. After much thought, I narrowed it down to two entries. I decided on one, went to post, but then reread the other again and became torn. There were nuances in both that I couldn't shake. Both entries had characters displaying intense emotion and neither entry told me exactly why--thus, SUSPENSE!! Big time.

But, it's been long enough. I know as an author with a platform to speak, I need to be decisive, and so, I have at last made a decision on the winner.

The winner of the Intense Emotion Suspense Technique is...

It's a tie!

Amy & Scribe

Read their entries below:

Amy's:
The view from the upstairs balcony was of tangled and gnarled branches, parched grass, and the remnants of what was once the most envied rose garden in the entire county. Brach leaned over the rickety wrought iron railing, trying to catch a glimpse of the ancient oak that had once supported his boyhood tree house. It had all started there. As he stood in the warm evening air of July, at the back of the house his great-grandfather had built nearly a century ago, a slight breeze caressed his face. He could almost smell her on that breeze, a sweet flowery scent that drove a chill down his neck and back. He closed his eyes; he could see her face glowing in the sunshine as they wrestled on that very lawn so long ago. His heart began to ache; his legs lost the will to stand. As he collapsed to his knees, Brach felt that he would bleed from the pain of her absence. It was his fault she was gone; his fault her time on earth had been so short; his fault that he would spend the rest of his days alone. His breath came in great gasps as he fought against mounting sobs. Deep in his soul, he knew he had no right to mourn her loss. It was for himself that he wept. Brach swallowed his grief, and inside him, it transformed into anger and rage. Despising himself for his selfishness, he let out a roar of desperation that shook the loose panes of a nearby window. Shattering as they hit the ground, the panes of glass were yet one more casualty at the hands of a man who had caused more pain than joy for those he knew.

WTB's critique: Amy, this is intense emotion. I love how everything in the backyard makes Brach remember--but it's all so bittersweet. Great memories but all tainted with whatever he's done to ruin it all. "No right to mourn" is such a powerful thought. Feeling that way would be deadly hard. The self-loathing is palpable. Bravisimo!

Scribe's:
“It’s not fair!” I sobbed, pitching the inkwell. It exploded against the white rock wall and bled darkness over the smooth stones, “It’s not fair! I worked just as hard as he did! Harder even!” Wetness scorched my cheeks and I shuddered with the sobs “Do you hear me?” I tipped my head back and ran my shaking hands over my bald head “I am better than he is! Better! One day you will be sorry, so ruddy sorry that you left me here!” I shrieked as voices retreated. “One day he will fail you when need him the most and then you will wish that you had taken me but it will be too late, too late.” My knees buckled and I sat down, holding my head. “You’ll be sorry, you will be, you will be.”

WTB's critique: You begin and end with powerful resentment and, I think, lonliness. Your character has been left out...someone else chosen instead. Haven't we all been there? So readers will relate immediately--a very good thing. But this runs deeper in your character. He's been pushed by this neglect and is on the verge of something horrible. "You'll be sorry" is such a desperate, fear inspiring threat. I'm afraid for this fellow and his victims. But best of all, you leave us hanging on the root cause of the sorrow and anger. What has he not been picked for? Who has left him behind? Why is it SO important for him to be included? Coolness.

Amy and Scribe, you have my email. So send me your snail-mail and your preference of a DW lost chapters book--I only have The Door Within so far, but Wyrm Lord is on the way in July. Final Storm in August.

Honorable mentions:

Cecilia gets the Young Gun Award! I wish I wrote like that when I was 16. Wow.

Aravis gets the Promising Concept Award: Killer with the bells is bigtime creepy.

Eve gets the Post Me in Another Suspense Technique Award. Her entry literally was a cliffhanger.

Josh gets the Gutwrencher Award--talking about pulling the rug out from under a poor, unsuspecting character. Mannn...that's harsh!

I'm going to be away for a week in Ocean City, so I won't get to #3 for a bit.

Great Writing.


Never Alone!

-WtB

It's CSFF Blog Tour Day Two/Three: Karen Hancock's Return of The Guardian King

Read this excerpt from
Karen Hancock's
Return of the Guardian King

(Click on the page for larger size)

I know, I'm a little behind the time, but I'm celebrating Day 2 and Day 3 of the CSFF Blog Tour Today! My focus for day two is the Written Craft. Karen writes beautifully. It's no wonder she's won four Christy Awards ( a fifth on the way?). Her vocabulary is not just huge, but accurate and evocative. Her sentences are fluid. Her verbs active and driving. As an author myself, I read Karen's work, and it inspires me to learn more about the craft.

Several things strike me about this all-important opening page of the novel. First, note the use of italics. This tells the reader there's something different about this text. Either it's someone's thoughts, a supernatural voice, or a memory. Or, as Karen uses it, it shows us Maddie's song.

Then, notice the phrase bell-toned voice, sunlight, open meadow, yellow butterfly, patch of rippling grass, bloom-laden stalks, etc. Gorgeous, lyrical writing to be sure, but it's also very purposeful. Karen's setting you up by building mood through word choice. I mean how serene and comfortable would this scene be? You feel like you want to leap into the book and sprawl onto your back in the tall grass. But then, WHAM!! Karen just hits you with a 2 X 4. Look at the words on the next page.

(Click on the page for larger size)

Look at how the vocabulary changes to words that not only describe but evoke negative, uncomfortable feelings. Cold, misery, screamed, pelting, slivers, snow-caked, dangling, frozen, numb, squinted, shuddering, etc. For the writers who visit Enter the Door Within, take note of Karen's expertise. Every word counts. Eliminate vague or overused descriptors and use precise language that carves not only an image into the reader's mind, but also an emotion. You touch the emotions, the heart, the soul of your readers, and they will read you forever.


If this first segment was enough to hook you, you can buy Karen's book by clicking the link below. I've also listed the first three books in Karen's awesome series.

Return of the Guardian King

#1: Light of Eidon

#2 Shadow Over Kiriath

#3 The Shadow Within

*All excerpts of text are from Return of the Guardian King by Karen Hancock, Bethany House Publishing, 2007, used by permission.