tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post5037497648698305276..comments2023-12-31T16:21:50.498-05:00Comments on Enter The Door Within: Suspense Technique #1WayneThomasBatsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15837713579691260482noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-25764078846852652932020-02-15T17:31:00.796-05:002020-02-15T17:31:00.796-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Lady Merewenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09361313553923685412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-32002531832982828082020-02-14T15:19:25.971-05:002020-02-14T15:19:25.971-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Lady Merewenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09361313553923685412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-69764248463243629252008-11-01T18:43:00.000-05:002008-11-01T18:43:00.000-05:00Here's my second entry. :)~ElizabethOfMena~Tener d...Here's my second entry. :)<BR/>~ElizabethOfMena~<BR/><BR/>Tener dove through the row of corn stalks. Dragon wings whistled through the air above. The heart in his chest beat at least twice as fast as his feet hitting the ground, willing them to move faster. The glow of the full moon caused the rows of corn to take on menacing shadows. The dry leaves rustled loudly in his ears, but still he could feel the silent black shapes of the draugr racing swiftly behind him.<BR/>Tener ducked under a broken stalk. His hand clenched firmly the key which hung from a chain about his neck. Thoughts buzzed through his mind about the mystery of this object. Only one thing he knew, he must keep it safe, Marreknae must not get it within his hands.<BR/>The silhouette of a dragon blocked the bright stars as it swooped from the sky toward the corn. A stream of fire erupted from his mouth. The corn to the right of Tener roared up in flame.<BR/>He changed direction slightly to avoid the quickly spreading fire. His breathing came in gasps.<BR/>Another dragon swung low, and let fire leap on his breathe to the corn on Tener's other side.<BR/>The edges of the key bit into his tightened fist. He leapt over a patch of fire, and ran on.<BR/>The dragon made a back pass, setting the coarse leaves and stalks in front of him on fire.<BR/>Tener skidded to a halt. The flames lapped at the sky, quickly enveloping more corn in it's inferno. He swung around. The draugr neared slowly, savoring their victory. Their black scale like skin reflected the red glow of the fire. They clicked their long claws, yellowed from use, and the stain of blood together in anticipation of the kill. Their red eyes gleamed with eagerness. <BR/>Perspiration dripped down Tener's face and neck. The heat of the fire toasted his skin. His chest heaved as he watched the draugr come steadily closer, the fire quickly closing in about him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-91592433553439025252008-10-27T17:26:00.000-05:002008-10-27T17:26:00.000-05:00I didn't know if I was too late fore the contest o...I didn't know if I was too late fore the contest or not, but I just thought I'd post this anyways.<BR/>~ElizabethOfMena~<BR/><BR/>The steel boots echoed off the stone walls as the soldier walked hurriedly toward the double doors at the end of the hall. He hesitated before turning the handle, taking in a deep breathe.<BR/>The large door creaked as he pushed it open. A fire crackled in the corner, a regal man sat behind a desk made of oak. The light from the fire flickered over his gaunt face, his straight brown hair fell to his shoulders. In his hand he held a ring that gleamed in the light.<BR/>"What?" He growled without looking up.<BR/>The soldier hesitated before giving his report. "He's had a son, m'lord."<BR/>A snear lifted the man's lip. "Kill them, kill them both." He turned to look at the man before him. "Squash him like I did his father."<BR/>"Yes m'king." He turned on his heels and quickly left the chamber.<BR/>The king watched as the door closed, before lifting the ring to the light once again. A silver dragon curled around it's golden band. He lifted his other hand, to slip his finger into it. A large snap echoed through the chamber, he pulled his hand back as pain flooded up his hand.<BR/>He growled, throwing the ring into a drawer of the desk. He slammed it closed, the key ground in the lock.<BR/>"You're lucky you got away before, m'prince," his words dripped with disgust. "But not this time." He stared into the fireplace, the flames engulfed a log as it slid farther into the fire. "No, not this time."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-38849800369380340192007-05-08T20:52:00.000-05:002007-05-08T20:52:00.000-05:00The boys were the first to see it. They ran, shou...The boys were the first to see it. They ran, shouting to the village elders. Soon, everyone went outside and looked to the sky in anticipation.<BR/><BR/>For the first time in a century, it had started to rain.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-82523277778109016262007-05-08T16:21:00.000-05:002007-05-08T16:21:00.000-05:00Thanks, ES!Thanks, ES!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15185060505158684073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-87597644947762892022007-04-08T17:24:00.000-05:002007-04-08T17:24:00.000-05:00Aravis, that is masterfully crafted! I love the us...Aravis, that is masterfully crafted! I love the use of "miasma" and the crystal too! Well, and I am a sucker for 'splosions. And also, for older characters that deal with unusal situations. ;) Can't wait for more!everlastingscribehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10390789953931295135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-91377600354882355562007-04-08T17:18:00.000-05:002007-04-08T17:18:00.000-05:00Eve, I really like the hinted conflict between Dar...Eve, I really like the hinted conflict between Dari's father and mother you tucked in there. One doesn't approve, the other tucks the items into her bundle, maybe as encouragement for Dari? <BR/>And every adventurer needs some encouragement from home! ;)everlastingscribehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10390789953931295135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-84002107403951828052007-04-08T17:11:00.000-05:002007-04-08T17:11:00.000-05:00Gwenne, now that's some suspense with artful under...Gwenne, now that's some suspense with artful underplayment. Well done, goes to show you don't need 'splosions to get your audience hooked!everlastingscribehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10390789953931295135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-33603217883861902132007-04-08T11:10:00.000-05:002007-04-08T11:10:00.000-05:00How's this, Wayne?She carefully picked up her grea...How's this, Wayne?<BR/><BR/>She carefully picked up her great grandmother Meara's flying goggles and scarf. Her eyebrows disappeared into her bangs. She had seen the goggles and scarf one other time, when she was about five years of age. She was asked make her parent's bed when she spied a wooden box under the bed. Upon opening it, she saw the items and was promptly caught by Selene, who had ratted on her. Dari had never again glimpsed the box. Her mother must have secreted it into her bundle when her father was not around. He certainly would not have approved.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15185060505158684073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-47371814678191382372007-04-07T19:01:00.000-05:002007-04-07T19:01:00.000-05:00Eve, definitely some mystery here. Flying goggles ...Eve, definitely some mystery here. Flying goggles and scarf--just what adventure will these seldom seen items lead us on. And more subtle, but cooler in that way, "father wouldn't have approved." Hmmm...I wonder what's up with dad.<BR/><BR/>Coupla suggestions:<BR/><BR/>"She carefully picked up her great grandmother Meara's flying goggles and scarf, with great amazement."<BR/><BR/>"with great amazement" is in an awkward place. Maybe use it as in introductory phrase. Or better yet, show us in her expression rather than telling us.<BR/><BR/>Also, when doing a flashback, you need only lead the reader in with one or two uses of the helping verb "had." Many authors introduce the flashback using "had" and then come out of the flashback using "had." BUT they use simple past tense verbs throughout the flashback.WayneThomasBatsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15837713579691260482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-69264544762898426152007-04-07T13:14:00.000-05:002007-04-07T13:14:00.000-05:00She carefully picked up her great grandmother Mear...She carefully picked up her great grandmother Meara's flying goggles and scarf, with great amazement. She had only ever seen the goggles and scarf one other time, when she was about five years of age. She had been asked make her parent's bed when she had spied a wooden box under the bed. Upon opening it, she had seen the items and then was promptly caught by Selene, who had ratted on her. Dari had never again glimpsed the box. Her mother must have secreted it into her bundle when her father was not around. He certainly would not have approved.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15185060505158684073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-12672760084685673032007-03-20T20:15:00.000-05:002007-03-20T20:15:00.000-05:00Gwenne, interesting piece. You have created myster...Gwenne, interesting piece. You have created mystery well with the dream and its implied guilt for Annek. I'm wondering if there is something to the dream--is there some other issue Annek must face. <BR/><BR/>I'm also drawn to Annek and Maddie's relationship and fear that it is in jeopardy.WayneThomasBatsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15837713579691260482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-40867442226600558392007-02-21T20:31:00.000-05:002007-02-21T20:31:00.000-05:00Nice chops, Aravis. Seriously, your language has a...Nice chops, Aravis. Seriously, your language has a nice flow to it. The words are stylish and natural, evocative. Welcome to the Fellowship of the Pen!WayneThomasBatsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15837713579691260482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-92062260567744986892007-02-21T19:13:00.000-05:002007-02-21T19:13:00.000-05:00Great entry Aravis!Very "mysterious" and interesti...Great entry Aravis!<BR/><BR/>Very "mysterious" and interesting.amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18413782586267189275noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-37518548739793605282007-02-21T19:04:00.000-05:002007-02-21T19:04:00.000-05:00The wall was fairly unremarkable. It was stone; si...The wall was fairly unremarkable. It was stone; simple, gray stone. But there was something that the old man was interested in, for he ran his finger down the crack in front of him with a perusing gaze, trying to find something. There was not much to be heard; A mouse here and there, but whoever this man was, he was alone in a rather unsettling, dusty, narrow hallway. <BR/><BR/>He breathed in through his nose and tilted his back a little, causing his tweed cap to fall over his eyebrows. The man reached into a pocket inside his jacket and pulled out a small blue crystal, and then fitted it into a crack where four stone blocks met. <BR/><BR/>The crystal started to shine, reacting to the miasma in the air in the hallway, and then burst, breaking down the wall. The man brushed some dust out of his white mustache, and proceeded through. <BR/><BR/>Beyond the opening was not much, only some old copper pipes in a space the size of a small room. The man wasn’t too happy that he used one of his crystals to only make it to a maintenance room. <BR/><BR/>“Where are you…” he mumbled to himself, putting his hand to the stubble on his chin. He stood there, contemplating his situation, and then turned his back to explore further down the hall. Once his back was parallel with the wall he had just broken, a rush of air flew past him, with a sound like a giant breathing in. Light, too, drifted past him, and a shadow drifted forth from the room he had just left. <BR/><BR/>This man knew what was happening, and quickly turned around to see a figure of shadow. <BR/><BR/>“Johannes Wächter, not this time,” exhaled the figure of shadow, growing ever more solid, but it was still translucent, it was still the thing that Johannes had come here to find: a ghost.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-62071761873322320202007-02-10T21:09:00.000-05:002007-02-10T21:09:00.000-05:00oooh nice one Cecilia! And I'm pretty sure that yo...oooh nice one Cecilia! And I'm pretty sure that you've plenty of time for this entry :)everlastingscribehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10390789953931295135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-40998232315702255442007-02-10T03:26:00.000-05:002007-02-10T03:26:00.000-05:00Is it too late to submit an entry? If not, here is...Is it too late to submit an entry? If not, here is mine:<BR/><BR/>"Shh, the movie's starting!" the little gril said as she settled down on the living room couch. <BR/> "I'll be right there," said Carmen, the older one of the two. Carmen waited a moment, and glanced out the rain-streaked window. The sky was darkening, but not because it was late. The ominous black clouds on the <BR/>horizon gave her chills, but she tried to push it out of her mind as she sat on the couch. She did not want to worry her sister.<BR/> "Want me to make some popcorn, Sarah?" asked Carmen, but the young girl seemed content to stare at the TV. Eventually both girls were silently watching the movie. It was Sarah who heard the noise first.<BR/> "Is there a train going by?" the child asked. Carmen bit her lip and looked out the window. <BR/> "I'll go see, you just watch the movie," she said as she walked <BR/>quickly into the kitchen.<BR/> "I can't, the power just went out!" Sarah yelled. "Is there any <BR/>popcorn?"<BR/> Carmen ran into the room and grabbed her sister's hand.<BR/> "We need to go to the basement!" she said urgently. As they sat on the cold stone floor, Carmen shivered. She saw the image as if it was burned into her mind. There was a massive funnel forming on the horizon, and it was in the direction of the small town where her parents worked.<BR/> "When will mommy and daddy be home?" Sarah asked, fidgeting with her shoe lace. Carmen sighed in a shaky voice.<BR/> "I don't know," Carmen said. Suddenly, a deafening roar blocked out all their thoughts, and they covered their heads awaiting what would come next.Ceciliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05447770922309137553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-44821997678833915902007-02-10T00:50:00.000-05:002007-02-10T00:50:00.000-05:00Thanks for the welcome :). And ignore Valerie. T...Thanks for the welcome :). And ignore Valerie. There's at least...umm...3 people who have never heard of NaNo ;).<BR/><BR/>Cheers,<BR/>Margaret<BR/><BR/>P.S. Thanks for the fun contest. It's reminded me of some of the cool stories I have lined up to edit...when I get through the rest on my plate.Margaret M. Fiskhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00537558539259791284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-74416476013524188602007-02-09T11:31:00.000-05:002007-02-09T11:31:00.000-05:00**shocked look!!!!**You don't know what a nano is?...**shocked look!!!!**<BR/><BR/>You don't know what a nano is?<BR/><BR/>http://www.nanowrimo.org -- a place where many thousands of people devote the month of November to National Novel Writing Month. The goal is 50K in November alone. It's great fun, great competition, and great camraderie. And just a *wee* tiny bit crazy.Valerie Comerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06674882711125123089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-25224142202518297512007-02-08T23:10:00.000-05:002007-02-08T23:10:00.000-05:00:-D I think the first one *yes the first one* is t...:-D I think the first one *yes the first one* is the stronger of the two. I like em both, but I reacted to the first one. :-D And that's what you want.everlastingscribehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10390789953931295135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-60195170919970386292007-02-08T22:13:00.000-05:002007-02-08T22:13:00.000-05:00this is my second entry Kayla slumped against the ...this is my second entry <BR/><BR/>Kayla slumped against the cold brick wall. She could hear the screams and cries from outside. With all her energy gone she crashed to the floor and let tears pour down her face. On this vile day she wept for family and friends. Van put his arm around her. He ushered the hopeless thought, "everything is going to be fine." Yet Kayla new it was far from the truth.<BR/><BR/>^_^ tell me if you like it, not quite as dark as the first one lol don't worry im sure i made plenty of mistakesJoshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17197032654676365547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-12487741081906834552007-02-08T21:48:00.000-05:002007-02-08T21:48:00.000-05:00This is extremely interesting!! You're all so awe...This is extremely interesting!! You're all so awesome! Though one or two of these gave me quite the shudder :)<BR/> I write all the time....esp. at work *mwa ha ha* I just have to jot things down. I'll pick someone at work and write about them that night, or who they would be in my stories. So much fun!!!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-25600565896624678202007-02-08T21:35:00.000-05:002007-02-08T21:35:00.000-05:00Okay, this is the English Teacher of 16 years talk...Okay, this is the English Teacher of 16 years talking, as well as the author of {ahem} 3. Don't sweat the small stuff in the invention stage. I speaketh from experience. A plague upon the spelling error that quenches creativity!!<BR/><BR/>Write on! Hone your skills and hook me! And besides, I teach 6th graders. How bad can your mistake be? ;-)<BR/><BR/>And Valerie, help a brutha out. What is NaNo? Sound like something small or mechanized...but no clue. Or are you just…trying to keep me in supense? LOL<BR/><BR/>And welcome SarmJornn and Margaret! <BR/><BR/>Cool stuff from all. Keep them coming. I have also posted a contest for the 2nd suspense technique. I think I will for all of them.WayneThomasBatsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15837713579691260482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19752207.post-80466297374073255932007-02-08T20:37:00.000-05:002007-02-08T20:37:00.000-05:00I actually took that from the books I'm writing. ...I actually took that from the books I'm writing. Visit www.freewebs.com/4eversaved.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com